When you and your partner start living together, it’s reasonable to expect that the two of you will spend more time with each other. As with any good thing, though, your time together should be enjoyed in moderation. Constantly being around your loved one — even in a live-in relationship — can quickly become overwhelming.
Having time to yourself is necessary to decompress and reflect. However, it can be hard to communicate this to your partner. You might be worried about hurting or offending them by asking for some time to yourself — especially early on in a relationship.
Here’s how you can tell your partner that you need some alone time without hurting their feelings.
Why Is Alone Time So Important?
In a budding live-in relationship, two partners will often spend much more time together than they ever have before. As a result, they may start to feel a bit overwhelmed and begin craving their own space — which is completely normal.
As humans, whether introvert or extrovert – we’re social creatures, but that doesn’t mean we should cast aside taking time for ourselves. In fact, a little “me time” is incredibly important for relaxation and reflection.
Life is stressful and sometimes you just need to get away and decompress. If you don’t, negative feelings can build up and make you feel like crap. Fortunately, finding time for yourself — even just five focused minutes per day — will help relieve stress and keep you feeling great.
Additionally, having time and space to yourself is conducive to self-intimacy. Self-intimacy allows you to relax, reflect, and reconnect with yourself. Moments of honest self-reflection keep you moving forward in life. Reconnecting with yourself also creates opportunities for you to connect on a deeper level with your partner.
How to Ask for Some “Me Time” in a live-in relationship
Particularly in the early stages of a live-in relationship, it’s not easy to ask for alone time. The question may hurt, offend, or even confuse your partner, and no one wants that.
Fortunately, you can easily turn this tough situation into a productive dialogue. At the end of the day, this “me time” will culminate in a stronger, healthier relationship.
Be Honest & Keep an Open Mind
One hallmark of a strong live-in relationship is good communication. Being able to talk openly and honestly with your partner becomes even more important when asking for some alone time.
Going into this conversation, be sure to keep an open mind. This should be a dialogue, not a monologue. Try to understand how your partner may be feeling. Allow them to express themselves and ask questions.
Furthermore, be honest with your partner and explain to them what you mean by “alone time”. Let them know that you’re not seeking a dramatic change. Many of their misgivings will likely be eased.
Emphasize the Benefits
Looking to boost your empathy, creativity, or productivity? Try spending some time on your own. By doing things without your partner, your personal well-being will thrive. As an added bonus, your live-in relationship will benefit too.
Emphasize the benefits of spending time apart when talking with your partner. Explain that even a short period of “me time” can breathe life into your relationship.
Then get out there and spend time with your friends, dive into a passion project, or pick up an old (or new!) hobby. You’ll return with fresh ideas and new things to talk about — all things that will help you forge a deeper connection with your partner.
Plan Something Together Afterward
To seal the deal, make plans to do something together afterward. Perhaps you and your partner have decided to spend the afternoon apart. Plan to watch a movie or have dinner together later in the evening.
By planning to do something after you take your alone time, you’re telling your partner that everything will be okay. Even better, when you come back you’ll both be feeling more relaxed and ready to have fun!
It’s OK to Need Space
Living together isn’t easy, but it can be a wonderful experience. But know that wanting some space is perfectly normal — and even healthy for you and your relationship. In fact, one of the best ways to ensure the success of a live-in relationship is to take some time for yourself every now and then.
It can be uncomfortable to ask for alone time, especially if you’re relationship is new. Just remember to keep an open mind, emphasize the benefits, and make plans for later. When you and your partner take time apart to relax and reflect, your relationship will be much stronger. As the saying goes, absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Mandi is a 41 year old single gal in Chandler, Arizona. Never married, she’s been on the dating treadmill for 17 years. She’s dated all different types of guys, come close to marriage twice. Often besieged by friends for dating advice, she enjoys the opportunity to share what she’s learned from personal experience and watching her friends through romance ups and downs.
Mandi has been a computer geek since the early ‘80’s (yes, there were computers back then) and found with the early advent of the Internet that there were boys out there. Starting with the beginnings of AOL and chat rooms and progressing to the online dating sites that exist today she has learned the do’s and don’ts and made plenty of mistakes along the way.
Mandi has had several successful long term relationships, and is still friends with most of her ex-boyfriends.
When not writing for Successful Online Dating she can be found working as a web designer or researching new posts.